ginnyvos: Tiana (Butterfly dreaming)
posted by [personal profile] ginnyvos at 11:23pm on 24/08/2009 under
Random Note: I can't be reached by phone right now.

Once upon a time, I used to be a girl who was very good at getting into other people's minds. I've always been a little too empathic and I've always been good at 'figuring people out'. People would praise me for it and told me I'd make a great psychologist. They would come to me if they had problems and I'd listen them out and, if I could, help them figure it out to my best ability. It was something I felt right doing. So, I went to study psychology at uni.

These days, I'm the obnoxious and scary psychology student who uses her evil powers of psychology-fu, mysteriously obtained during three years of reading books to look into other people's minds and haunt them with it.

Yet, I do nothing different from three years ago.

Yes, I did learn a lot in those three years. I learned a lot of statistics. I learned a lot of facts about human behaviour. I learned a lot of theories that attempt to explain those facts. What I didn't learn and don't think can be taught by books (and nothing else, because a bachelors degree in psychology is nothing but book knowledge) is to understand people much better than I already did. I might be able to name the things I see better, but that's about it.

Even so, it seems that whenever I mention the fact that I study psychology to some people, they get scared and will hardly talk to me. That, or they treat me like I'm way above them, which I'm definately not. So much so, that I have the tendency to lie about it at the daycare centers I temp at and often say I'm still in elementary teacher school instead of uni.

Whenever I make an observation that hits home these days, it seems like every time, people accuse me of psychoanalyzing them. Accuse is the right word here as well; the way it's said is like I'm doing something bad, my sister once described it as if they thought I was violating their privacy. Like I was looking into their head or something. My brother, for one, is particularly good at that.

This is something that bothers me a lot and has bothered me for some time. I don't want to be intimidating. I believe strongly in the idea that everyone has the same value to the world, be they smart or mentally retarded or just plain ordinairy, no matter their age, race, or what they did with their lives. Being in university doesn't make me better than anyone. All it does is help me prepare for what I want to do the rest of my life; Help people, children in particular, to live up to their potential and, most of all, live lives that will make them happy. Seeing people happy and having contributed to that makes me incredibly happy in return. Does that make me a better person?  No. In the end everyone is selfish and so am I.

I want to help people be happy because it happens to make me happy. If doing administration is something you like doing, than that's great (after all, I wouldn't want to do that job... Ever, so I'm really glad there's people who do want that). Same goes for a LOT of other professions.

Bottomline, it really bothers me to be looked up to or intimidate people just because I do a certain type of school. It bothers me even more when that school is thrown back in my face like it's some kind of insult when earlier having those skills was something I could be proud of.

My sister has a similar problem because she's about to start studying medicine in a week... And she's not even started. What is it with people and being so intimidated by the fact that others do a certain type of education? 

location: Bunschoten, the Netherlands
Mood:: 'annoyed' annoyed
Music:: Metric - The Police And The Private

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